I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Your dad touched me again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
