I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
