Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
