u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
