Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
