just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
