I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
