i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
