I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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