she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
