Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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