I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
