it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
is wine microwaveable?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize