you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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