I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
