remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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