i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Actions speak louder than pants.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
