Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
