i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
