dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
