Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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