I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
