I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We need to rekindle our bromance
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
