I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
