I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
