he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
