Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
