I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
bring money and cleavage
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize