I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
