He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
