I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
