we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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