worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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