Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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