i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
