guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize