you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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