his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
