Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
