1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
