Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
