I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
NoShamevember. You game?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
