You work out of a Hotel?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
