Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
