Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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