i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
