You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
