You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
