please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
