I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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