i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize