I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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