Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
