He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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