It's Friday. Sex?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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