Nicole vs. Life
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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