Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
