I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
