Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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