Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
