i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize