Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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