I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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