i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ok first of all what the fuck
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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