That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
