I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
