those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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