Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
