There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize